by Rob Krabbe
One day
In a pool gray, calm, but cool
A beautiful stone, I found under my feet
What did I know, except that between my toes
May be the stone I need?
Or dreamed one day, may,
Come from a god to me today?
Or just a stone.
Oh yes surely
I laughed at my inner fool
And scoffed at my inner words
But languished at my inner hope
In the deep of the pool.
I seek answers to questions no one knows
The truth so far leaves me dead
The value in lies?
The value in dry bones?
Certainly not in this small stone instead
It pierced through the water and beamed
And treading ahead of my own mudding wake
Dreaming of tastier porridge and island lands
Where once my days of sun and warm sands
Yet now anguishing in pity and useless hands
Saddled with a mask of vim and purpose
Bargaining once again with God
For reasons and ways and loopholes out.
Perhaps my own hand?
The walk was instantly more interesting when
The stone said, "I am a stone.”
I smiled at my ear’s hearing, for was said
“Like you are stone too, the very image of
Bend down, and see me better from here sir.”
I smiled at my thoughts of irony
Having, a stone been called
Continued she, “Let me go where you go for a while,
We may help each other from this eternal pool."
I smiled at my thoughts of glory fading, a trick
“See, I am stuck here on this bottom,
And I fear I will never leave.”
I smiled at my thoughts of perfect hopelessness.
“Cast me away . . . without effort then,
Or even in your pocket. Carry me home”
I smiled.
As a man aside, I laughed and said
“What do you know about being a man?
You are nothing but a stone of a stone.
A stony stone, oh sure look at you in your shiny stony ways
Judging me for all of my ways and days
That I walked past you in your judgment seat of sand
Much softer on the surface than me are you? No
And not on the surface are you!
Sure, delightful in your stony ways
In your ivory like stony stone of a stone’s ways.
Well me and my milky white old bony bone of a bones days
But anyway, maybe I’ll take you with me for a ways.
And then my childish words rang in my ears
I smiled at my child.
I noticed that my eyes bereft of tears
For the first time in years, and so
I praised a random god and picked up the stone.
The stone’s voice sounded like a baby
Before it learned to cry
A smiling old woman before she learned to die
Raised from her death
For one more moment of a sigh
At the bottom of the pool
More like fresh life though
And yet worn shoes
The smell of baked cookies almost burned
And pie stolen from the sill
For fork and cream, to just let dream
Of angels in pie like frill.
And days without death in my veins
And this stone, why?
And this life, why?
And this death, why?
And what made this stone cry?
What longing for, but to die?
What needing for, and to sigh?
Has truth been told and then bold
Asking for a care gone by?
The stone had, after all, under foot
Found me in the dark deep place
Where only sand and pieces go
Where no stone dare to fall lest it lay
As swimming done and currents stay,
With no hope of escape
From darnings and damnings
And endless clammerings
And charmings and fears all
And washed them none away
Soot all and none, and under my foot.
The bones of the earth with tears decay
The need to know what blessings come
I pick it up fully and look
I worship it for a test
A moment to see if blessed
I need to know, so, I should decide
At my breast to place this stone.
And to know that it shall
Not carry me down to the deep.
This deep found Stony stone.
Nesting in my heart?
Insinuating it’s beautiful shape and obvious art?
Mine and all could fall to the sand in abandon
Whether to toss my cares to the bottom below
To make room in my tears for death
For this new gem, shall I toss it back?
Skim it into the keep?
Or will I raise it to hold it high
Above my head
Above the surface and not die?
This bony old stone?
Great it's colors deeper than life itself
I looked at my reflection in the pool
Life giving water, and I felt of the chain on my wrist
Imprisoned by whom?
And in earnest? Or in jest?
No, He had given me, my crest.
Treasured and served me well
And I throw it all to hell!
This dark hateful stare
And he graceful and in His mercy seat
More than deserved
My holy father, my savior and brother?
Called my sweet loved one home?
The call answered or not
I searched for loopholes again
Yet to my business at hand
Then I noticed the setting
My bracelet, something I had never seen
A setting empty and clean
Beautiful silver and gold
To one side or the other
My sister, my brother
My father, my mother
I know none gave this to me
I know not where it’s craftsman lies
I know not where, when or how
I looked at the new polished stone,
Perfect match, made to fit
Perfect stone of a stone in my
Familiar old bracelet
And a gem, in my eyes
I felt new, and taller
Glowing inside for the first time in ages,
The first time in decades, all chapters and pages
My neck filled my collar with dreams of mercy
Pride? No! but joy and comfort to me
And to the children who have sighed
And the love that has all but died
I saw the bones dry
I saw the love die
I saw the hope, and then the lie
But now my flesh filled in around my bones
My sores fell away and my pain
The day was now my best
I saw judgment but now I saw the rest
How did my foot come to beautifully rest
Upon this beautiful stone?
I placed it in it’s throne and smiled.
I looked at the beautiful bracelet
A proud father, mother, sister, brother
It seemed to sound like an angel’s calls
A baby I held dear to my arms
The ringing songs of longing
The life well lived, the glory of love
The bringing of carpets and jewels and couches
For a moment on which to sit and praise
The highest of high and the fullest of cups
The best of times and the greatest of days
The soonest of nows and I drank it up full
With my heart and my eyes
My heart beating? no, pounding, at the beauty
Of this beautiful stony prize.
Then above, in the heavens
The image of the Holy.
He and she sat on the ground and wept.
He and she looked up and said
“I have felt pain, are you surprised?
Don’t you think the One true God rubs at His and Her eyes?
Does the creator lay His and Her joy upon the ground?
Does the Master find His and Her heart broken down?
Does the Omnipotent One feel the sting?
At the ultimate fate of even one of these humans
One of these lovely things?”
I wept.
“Don’t you imagine the Magnificent One
Has a heart that beats?
Does the Holy of Holies have a soul that bleeds?
Do I have any need?
Do I lose you too?
Is it wisdom that you would seek till you lose?
Do you hold the One accountable
And close your eyes?
Grieve me away, and one day
Walk away? And one day die?
That I grieve yet again?
Does the God of all and ever, have
A regret? A wish? A desire?
A list? A pillow? A drink with warm fire?
A true friend?
A warm toast, a nice meal?
A satisfied feeling of something well done?
Listen my love
Does the One,
Have the love of my own dear and wonderful son?
Did I watch Him die too?
Now I watch you?
Don’t you think, I have a feeling that collapses
Into tears on the pillow of my throne’s couches?
When the breath was his last and you spit on his face?
When the human turned into a gender
A judgment? or a race?
Yet my child, my love, my true friend,
One questions begs
. . . A loophole, to make it all end?”
I wept.
“I love you”
I wept
“I did want something.”
“My God, please tell me!”
“I wanted to see what it felt like.
For you to lay down upon the sea and float with me
For you to gaze at me and even [giggle] cry
Tears of warm joy with me with smile
Just a bit like I was something that was
So wonderful to behold like I see,
In you.
That you knew in your heart that the part of me
That loves you, loves him and her and he and she
And loves all and all cut down, and none will be denied
Unless they chose to stand on the crown, and to close their eyes
And not see
And to know that you trust me
And don’t hide from your need
To blame me, but stay
In my arms until the end of the day
I wanted to be the One
To be the one you’d hold up above your head
A tear down your cheek, and smile
Take home your fear?
No, lay it here
Take me all the way home
Your home, your real, beautiful home
Sit me back down upon my throne
I wanted you to look down and say,
What a beautiful perfect and glorious stone.”
Never Upon The Highest Ground
Never upon the highest ground
Could such a place as this
In the widest and deepest abyss
Guided by the Holy’s staff and rod
Or upon the crest of the universe
Should I have looked down
Or even directly into the eyes of God?
Deep as hell, were hell straight down
Beneath the soul, hope, parti pris,
Exist before thought and fact
Smuggled in a secret pod
Taint the crest of the curse
That once I had found
Became even life’s façade.
Nod and smile, at the sweet, sweet sound
Of love’s most ambitious and treacherous kiss
Music swells, and hearts reminisce
Death’s horse gallops unshod
While dainty hands, knowing and perverse
Lift the pure one high, and once crowned
Bow and tremble, and trample staff and rod.
Death cries, and the Lord of the flies
Eyes the prize, while the innocent dies
Knowing and wise that his coming demise
Relies on the will of the frail and mortal heart
In which God himself imparts
Passion and purpose and nailed down and out
While fumbling Descartes
When mind and matter
And the great mad hatter
Is blinded in the bright gaze of God.